Bake yourself some Confidence Cookies

We are programmed to get caught in a steady flow of “success.” We are baited to believe that a bonus, or an “employee of month” plaque, or achieving targets are the things which make us great. These things are like outdoor time in a prison. Behave well enough and get a reward. And when we threaten to leave they just make it a little better to convince you to stay — a raise in salary, better office, a title like Director or Head of Department. We need to stop fighting for prison reforms and instead, break out of prison altogether.

We keep telling ourselves that we are lucky to have this job (indeed we are in many ways!), that we would be wasting our degree if we left, that we wouldn’t be able to support ourselves by quitting, that we would let down our family and colleagues if we were to resign, that it is too difficult to start again. And do you know what? Some of those things are TRUE. That is why most people are unwilling to risk it. Freedom outside of prison can be scary. There is no one taking care of you, nothing to rely on, no routine or handbook for what to do and when. Starting over and creating our own path is proper scary. It is also lonely. So who would want to do that? It’s for anyone who desires to break free from expectation and rules. It’s for those of us who have had enough of playing the game to get ahead and would rather make the game and rules ourselves. We are great at our jobs but we’ve become prisoners of our own success.

So how do we break out? Here are three steps that I’d like to share and, as it so happens, that I am in the midst of taking.

First: Fully accept that you create your own happiness.

This is the hardest step. I’m still in it. In fact, I think I’ll probably be in it my whole life. It seems cliche to say you can choose to be happy, but it really can be that simple, though often it is not. It can take a long time, so sign up for the long haul. It doesn’t have to take long, but if you are anything like I was it is difficult to feel like I create my happiness. The best way I’ve found to create my own happiness has been to engage myself in something new, different and challenging — and doing it on my own, without a friend by my side. Something I would have never dreamed I would do in a million years. Skateboarding, tap dancing, 500 mile walk, drama course — these are some of the things I’ve tried. All of them were a success — not because I was good at them, but because it didn’t matter if I was good or not. They taught me to enjoy the things I have around me, that in every moment there is something new to see, experience and create.

Spend time in the outdoors. Go on a hiking trip or camping for the weekend on a lakeside. Leave the phone at home. Get to know YOU. Be alone. Saturate yourself in time with YOU. Your greatest love must be yourself. Only then can you go and properly love others.

These things grew the confidence I needed to make the next step. And that is when you know you’re ready for step two: when the fear of newness and change is transformed into curiosity. Eat those confidence cookies and go!

Second: Begin meditating on the things you want in your life.

Third: Start making steps to realize your permanent mountaintop moment.

Full disclosure here — I haven’t completely gone through this step. I’ve done a few things to make my “mountaintop cabin” — like writing on this blog, saving money to eventually leave my full-time job, filling myself to the brim with excellent writing, downsizing my lifestyle to eventually support my future businesses making tomato soup (I know, crazy) and leading walking retreats. The steps are happening, I just haven’t made the big ones yet. But I will.

What steps will you take? If you want to start your own business perhaps taking a night class in business management would be worthwhile. Or starting conversations with business owners about the struggles they have. Or maybe your dream is to be a pilot? Start taking flying lessons in your spare time. (One of the biggest pitfalls is when we say we don’t have time, stop lying to yourself, just think about all the time you spend watching television). Be careful. You will always find an excuse not to do something. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough money. I don’t have enough training. Well stop talking about it and find a way to overcome those obstacles. Some of us have it easier than others — I’ll definitely give you that. I don’t have children or a mortgage. I’m white, middle-class. I will never know what it is like to be held back because of my race or sex, at least not in the current place I’m living. What can you do, where you are, right now? Figure it out and go at it, full speed. Even if it’s small. Go share a poem at the local open-mic night. Go buy a ukulele and start learning how to play using YouTube videos.

Confidence creates Trust in the Universe

The options for living are limitless and this can almost make it harder than anything to start. But go through these steps and be patient. Once you open yourself to the universe, signaling that you are ready by building up your fearlessness, you will be shown a path. My path is NOTHING like I thought it would ever be. The universe is cunning and creative but only with those who are willing to be molded. So, what shape will you take? Go and bake those Confidence Cookies and find out.

If you have enjoyed reading please press and hold those clappers! Also, please share and comment if you feel so inclined. You can read other insights here on Medium or visit my blog at rejectedcornerstone.wordpress.com for further reading. Thanks for taking the time to dwell on these things with me!

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