You have 48hrs to move online. Go.

Today isn’t a day of triumph.

Yesterday was. I texted joyful emoji’s of little yellow heads with nerd glasses on and posted hilarious Facebook updates of my student reactions, as I proudly announced that we’re “successfully switching to online piano lessons”. Woohoo!

And then today, I crashed. I cried. I slept briefly from 1:30AM to 6:00AM.

I feel guilty for crying and struggling to manage more than simply eating dinner or cleaning my workspace.

I know there are people out there with more stress than me. People who rely on their job to feed their kids. People who are making PLEADS with covid-19 to fuck off.

So why should I be stressed?

But that’s the thing. This is real for everyone. Not just those who are struggling worse. This isn’t a time for “you vs me” this is a time for “us”. I am realizing, as I share a fear with someone, that they understand. They fear too. We’ve all spent too much time scrolling Facebook, instead of being proactive to look after our businesses or even our mental health.

God knows that word - Mental Health - has been thrown out the window. Meditation seems like a time suck I can’t deal with right now. Not when I have 1 day left (Sunday) before I have to be a fully-competent online music school. Sundays were a rest day for me. Not anymore.

I want to post all about my triumphs. My pride in what I’m achieving and my grand plans to become an awesome online music school, once this is all said and done.

But today isn’t a day for those posts. Like I heard on a podcast yesterday — “Trying to spread joy when you have none, is like putting a smiley face on an empty tank of gas, and trying to drive” If there’s nothing left, there’s nothing to give.

My gas “refueling” is potentially writing. We’ll see.

I’ll write this today. Get it all out. And then tomorrow, I’ll wake up and reassess.

There are highs and lows. Today was a low.

Statistically, that brings me one step closer to a high.

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